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Aug. 11th, 2009 08:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thelostmaximoffSo I went to see the G.I. Joe movie this past weekend. I don't have a lot of sentimental attachment to G.I. Joe even though I watched the cartoon show when I was a kid but I do remember liking it and buying the toys so I decided to go see the movie. Here is my review character by character:
Duke: For those of you who know who Cyclops is, this is your Cyclops of the G.I. Joe universe. Duke was okay in this movie. I like the story between him and Baroness and the related story between him and Cobra Commander. Beyond that though, he was just kind of there. Nothing really special to say about Duke but that's usual.
Ripcord: I really hate Marlon Wayans. I think of all the Wayans brothers he's pretty much the worst and that really says something because I think all of them suck except for Daman. Ripcord was supposed to sort of be the black comedy relief guy but a lot of the comedy didn't really do anything for me. I did find myself laughing a little bit during this movie but that was because of the bad special effects. Back to Ripcord, he was okay I guess. I think the romance between him and Scarlet would have been interesting if they had some more time but really Marlon Wayans is the kiss of death.
Snake Eyes: Snake Eyes kicks ass. Always. About halfway through this movie I realized that if the movie had more Snake Eyes in it, it would be awesome. Seriously though, Snake Eyes did what Snake Eyes always does. He doesn't talk, he kicks ass, he looks cool, end of story. This was pretty much a dream role for Ray Park because he gets to do kung-fu and not talk which are both good things.
Scarlet: I want Scarlet's crossbow. Now. Immediately. People who want to get me something for my birthday, find me a laser-guided crossbow now. Back to the character, Scarlet was never my favorite Joe lady. I preferred Lady Jaye and then later Jinx to Scarlet but apparently everyone loves Scarlet so here we go. She was pretty cool in this movie and was, as she should be, incredibly nice to look at. By the laws of pop culture she has to hook up with someone and really Ripcord is all that's left so there you go. I still think she could do better than Marlon Wayans. Like me for instance.
Heavy Duty, Breaker, and General Hawk: These three round out the Joe characters we get names for. Out of these three I liked Breaker the most. General Hawk and Heavy Duty were kind of just there. I don't really see how General Hawk can get slashed in the chest a couple times and then be crippled but okay sure. I'm disappointed that we didn't get characters like Gung Ho, Roadblock, hell even Flint though we got Brendan Fraiser wearing a beret and his character not having a name. Fail, guys, total fail on that part.
The Doctor aka Cobra Commander: The subtitle for this movie should really be called "The Rise of Cobra Commander". When I first saw him I thought he was supposed to be Dr. Mindbender but apparently Dr. Mindbender taught Cobra Commander how to do all this crazy mind control crap with the nanotech so that's cool. I really like how Cobra Commander is basically a flunky for Destro throughout the whole movie until the end when all of a sudden he's basically like "I win" and takes over. That's damn cool for me.
Destro: Chris Eccelston is awesome. I actually liked him without the metal face though he does eventually have it by the end of the movie. As I said above, it's cool how Destro is the main villain for all of the movie aside from the end. I never thought he was anything but Cobra Commander's flunky so it's cool to see him actually be a good main villain.
Baroness: It's kind of ironic that the villain I cared the least about in the cartoon is now the villain I care the most about in the movie. Baroness is actually really cool in this movie and I was pleasantly surprised by the romantic relationship between her and Duke. The actress who plays her is also incredibly hot so that helps. I think Baroness might've been my favorite character in this movie.
Storm Shadow and Zartan: These two guys were great. Like Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow was just a badass and he had some great fight scenes with Snake Eyes. Zartan was also really cool and I laughed at what happens with him at the end of the movie. I totally expect to see more of Zartan if they make a sequel to this movie, which they probably will.
All in all, it wasn't a good movie but it was definitely entertaining and a good waste of two hours of my life. Don't expect a lot of thought-provoking social commentary or well-thought-out plotting or intricate character development because you won't really get it. You will get a lot of action though and that's really what G.I. Joe is all about anyway. It's a fun movie and I was surprised that it was better than I thought it would be.
Duke: For those of you who know who Cyclops is, this is your Cyclops of the G.I. Joe universe. Duke was okay in this movie. I like the story between him and Baroness and the related story between him and Cobra Commander. Beyond that though, he was just kind of there. Nothing really special to say about Duke but that's usual.
Ripcord: I really hate Marlon Wayans. I think of all the Wayans brothers he's pretty much the worst and that really says something because I think all of them suck except for Daman. Ripcord was supposed to sort of be the black comedy relief guy but a lot of the comedy didn't really do anything for me. I did find myself laughing a little bit during this movie but that was because of the bad special effects. Back to Ripcord, he was okay I guess. I think the romance between him and Scarlet would have been interesting if they had some more time but really Marlon Wayans is the kiss of death.
Snake Eyes: Snake Eyes kicks ass. Always. About halfway through this movie I realized that if the movie had more Snake Eyes in it, it would be awesome. Seriously though, Snake Eyes did what Snake Eyes always does. He doesn't talk, he kicks ass, he looks cool, end of story. This was pretty much a dream role for Ray Park because he gets to do kung-fu and not talk which are both good things.
Scarlet: I want Scarlet's crossbow. Now. Immediately. People who want to get me something for my birthday, find me a laser-guided crossbow now. Back to the character, Scarlet was never my favorite Joe lady. I preferred Lady Jaye and then later Jinx to Scarlet but apparently everyone loves Scarlet so here we go. She was pretty cool in this movie and was, as she should be, incredibly nice to look at. By the laws of pop culture she has to hook up with someone and really Ripcord is all that's left so there you go. I still think she could do better than Marlon Wayans. Like me for instance.
Heavy Duty, Breaker, and General Hawk: These three round out the Joe characters we get names for. Out of these three I liked Breaker the most. General Hawk and Heavy Duty were kind of just there. I don't really see how General Hawk can get slashed in the chest a couple times and then be crippled but okay sure. I'm disappointed that we didn't get characters like Gung Ho, Roadblock, hell even Flint though we got Brendan Fraiser wearing a beret and his character not having a name. Fail, guys, total fail on that part.
The Doctor aka Cobra Commander: The subtitle for this movie should really be called "The Rise of Cobra Commander". When I first saw him I thought he was supposed to be Dr. Mindbender but apparently Dr. Mindbender taught Cobra Commander how to do all this crazy mind control crap with the nanotech so that's cool. I really like how Cobra Commander is basically a flunky for Destro throughout the whole movie until the end when all of a sudden he's basically like "I win" and takes over. That's damn cool for me.
Destro: Chris Eccelston is awesome. I actually liked him without the metal face though he does eventually have it by the end of the movie. As I said above, it's cool how Destro is the main villain for all of the movie aside from the end. I never thought he was anything but Cobra Commander's flunky so it's cool to see him actually be a good main villain.
Baroness: It's kind of ironic that the villain I cared the least about in the cartoon is now the villain I care the most about in the movie. Baroness is actually really cool in this movie and I was pleasantly surprised by the romantic relationship between her and Duke. The actress who plays her is also incredibly hot so that helps. I think Baroness might've been my favorite character in this movie.
Storm Shadow and Zartan: These two guys were great. Like Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow was just a badass and he had some great fight scenes with Snake Eyes. Zartan was also really cool and I laughed at what happens with him at the end of the movie. I totally expect to see more of Zartan if they make a sequel to this movie, which they probably will.
All in all, it wasn't a good movie but it was definitely entertaining and a good waste of two hours of my life. Don't expect a lot of thought-provoking social commentary or well-thought-out plotting or intricate character development because you won't really get it. You will get a lot of action though and that's really what G.I. Joe is all about anyway. It's a fun movie and I was surprised that it was better than I thought it would be.
