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thelostmaximoffTitle: Fistful of Sand
Fandom: New X-Men
Rating: K+
Genre: Angst
Pairing: mentions of JulianxSofia and CessilyxKevin
Warnings: None
Summary: Julian Keller can feel everything he ever cared about slip through his fingers like grains of sand and now he's left standing there holding on to nothing but memories.
Fistful of Sand
He frankly should’ve seen this coming. Despite his privileged upbringing, Julian Keller has never exactly possessed the best of luck so it’s no surprised that, by the luck of the cosmic draw, his girlfriend would be one of the chosen ones to get de-powered and consequently kicked out of the Xavier Institute. He tries to tell himself that she’ll be back. The chronicles of X-Men history show that they’ve been de-powered before and have managed to change things back to the status quo. Julian wants to believe this is only temporary and that Sofia will be back but he knows that’s not the case. Sofia is gone, probably for good and now he’s left standing in the middle of an empty room in the dead of night with nothing to comfort him but the scant amount of personal belongings she managed to somehow leave behind and the memories of what was coupled with the fantasies of what could’ve been.
Julian Keller wants to believe that he could’ve fought for her. He is, after all, the star pupil here. They even say he’s fast in line for a promotion up to a team of real X-Men if he continues showing all the right qualities and maybe gets some more experience under his belt. He should’ve been leader for this new team. Much like Sofia, that prize was almost in his grasp. Just when he thought he had a firm grip on everything, Julian Keller can feel everything start to slide out of his fingers and he’s struggling to clutch it again. He used to be king here. He used to be with the most beautiful girl in the entire kingdom of the Xavier Institute. Now it had all slipped through his fingers like so much sand, fleeting and temporary as all good things apparently are.
Julian stares around at the room that once belonged to Sofia Mantega and Laurie Collins. It’s nothing more than a tomb now because Sofia is long gone and Laurie is in the ground. The former prince of Xavier’s stares down at the only piece of evidence to confirm that the girl he was once in love with even lived her at all. Julian clutches a pink sock in his hand and smirks at how idiotic he must look if anyone else could see him now. He’s crying over a sock, crying over a damn sock like it’s the end of the world. He clutches the piece of clothing as if it’s the most valuable prize in the world because he will be damned if he lets this thing that reminds him of her slip through his fingertips like everything else in his life has lately.
His mind is a mess of jumbled images that he doesn’t even know what to do with. Julian can’t figure out if he should shove them into the recesses of his mind and forget about them like Sofia apparently did with this pink piece of cotton in his hand or take out those terribly beautiful memories and frame them so that he’ll be able to keep them forever. The abruptness of the ended relationship has still left him to raw to fully understand what he should be doing in a situation like this. He decides maybe this is one more reason why Miss Frost chose Nori to be team leader instead of him. If he can’t understand what the right call is to make in this situation then how can he know what to do when lives are at stake? Julian knows that it’s a lie, knows the real and only reason why Miss Frost decided to spite him by giving to his rival the prize that should’ve rightfully been his. He’s only trying to rationalize things now, trying to figure out how in the span of one day his life has gone from blissfully perfect to absolutely empty. It’s as if he blinked and missed some sort of key moment that he should’ve been a part of but somehow failed to do so. He thought he had a good grip on it all because Julian Keller is at heart a control freak who needs to feel like he’s on top of everything. The next thing Julian knows, the love of his life is gone and he knows the bitter truth that she’s never coming back.
“Stupid sock,” mutters Julian as he looks at the item in his hands, flexing his fingers because he now realizes that he’s been gripping the thing so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. It’s a small insignificant thing really but now it’s all he has left of the girl that he had unknowingly given his heart to. His best friend is gone, his status is gone, and his girlfriend is gone. Little by little, everything he’s ever cared about has slipped through his fingers and Julian feels like a man drowning in a sea of agony with nothing to cling to that will give him a break from treading water. He grips the sock tighter, trying to forcibly stop the tears from coming. He can do anything. Why can’t he bring back the girl he loves? Why can’t he bring back his best friend? He is king here. Why can’t the harsh reality that now surrounds him conform to his wishes? Why didn’t she even stop to say goodbye before leaving? She could at least have given him his heart back but instead Sofia Mantega unknowingly left with it.
“They want us out there,” whispers a voice. Julian turns and looks at his teammate as Mercury stands in the doorway. He blinks hard once, twice, three times for good measure. He may not be leader of this team but he knows that most of them look to him when things get really tough. He has to put on his brave face. He has to look like he’s still in control even when everything is spinning so horribly out of control.
“You look nice,” says Julian absently as he stares at Cessily, trying in a desperate attempt to make small talk while he composes himself before the candle-lighting ceremony.
“Thanks,” replies Cessily with an equally vacant tone in her voice as she gives him a quizzical look, “What’s that?” Julian looks down at where her gaze is focused on the sock in his hand. Again, he notices that he’s been squeezing it so hard his fingers ache. He can’t let it go because if he lets it go then he will have to fully admit how incredibly and royally beyond his control this whole situation is. If he lets go of the one thing he still possesses that belongs to Sofia then he will have let her go completely and he knows in his heart he won’t be able to do that for a very long time.
“A sock,” replies Julian, “Sofia left it here.” Cessily catches the pain in his eyes the way sisters notice these things in their older brothers. They are family by choice even though their options were very slim, even non-existent to a certain extent. Cessily doesn’t mind that because in all honesty she’s never been too comfortable with being an only child and even if she wasn’t she’d never be comfortable with any brothers or sisters that weren’t the teammates she has now.
“Oh,” says Cessily and then the awkward silence resumes as Julian stares at Cessily, looking at her but not seeing her because he’s now lost in his thoughts of Sofia and the fallout from her departure. Cessily doesn’t say anything. She just closes the gap between her and her brother and hugs him, clutching at him tightly and fiercely because she knows what it’s like to have someone slip through your fingers.
“I would’ve at least said goodbye,” whispers Cessily as Julian hugs her back just as tightly.
“I know,” says Julian, “I know.” They stay there for a few moments, both of them silently grieving not only for the friend they both lost but for the people they loved that left them so abruptly without even so much as a goodbye.
“We should go,” says Cessily finally as she tries to release herself from Julian’s grasp. Julian reflexively fights to hold on to this one thing he has left in this world.
“I think I want to keep it,” says Julian as he looks at his hand.
“I think that’s a good idea,” agrees Cessily with a small smile as Julian sticks the sock in the pocket of his jacket. Again, she moves to leave but he hangs on, unwilling to let her go just yet and admit that another thing he cares for has slipped through his fingers.
“I won’t leave,” assures Julian as his fingers entwine with hers and he squeezes her hand.
“I won’t either,” assures Cessily as they walk together out of the room, their hands clasped with one another’s because both of them are so unwilling to let go of things just yet.
Fandom: New X-Men
Rating: K+
Genre: Angst
Pairing: mentions of JulianxSofia and CessilyxKevin
Warnings: None
Summary: Julian Keller can feel everything he ever cared about slip through his fingers like grains of sand and now he's left standing there holding on to nothing but memories.
Fistful of Sand
He frankly should’ve seen this coming. Despite his privileged upbringing, Julian Keller has never exactly possessed the best of luck so it’s no surprised that, by the luck of the cosmic draw, his girlfriend would be one of the chosen ones to get de-powered and consequently kicked out of the Xavier Institute. He tries to tell himself that she’ll be back. The chronicles of X-Men history show that they’ve been de-powered before and have managed to change things back to the status quo. Julian wants to believe this is only temporary and that Sofia will be back but he knows that’s not the case. Sofia is gone, probably for good and now he’s left standing in the middle of an empty room in the dead of night with nothing to comfort him but the scant amount of personal belongings she managed to somehow leave behind and the memories of what was coupled with the fantasies of what could’ve been.
Julian Keller wants to believe that he could’ve fought for her. He is, after all, the star pupil here. They even say he’s fast in line for a promotion up to a team of real X-Men if he continues showing all the right qualities and maybe gets some more experience under his belt. He should’ve been leader for this new team. Much like Sofia, that prize was almost in his grasp. Just when he thought he had a firm grip on everything, Julian Keller can feel everything start to slide out of his fingers and he’s struggling to clutch it again. He used to be king here. He used to be with the most beautiful girl in the entire kingdom of the Xavier Institute. Now it had all slipped through his fingers like so much sand, fleeting and temporary as all good things apparently are.
Julian stares around at the room that once belonged to Sofia Mantega and Laurie Collins. It’s nothing more than a tomb now because Sofia is long gone and Laurie is in the ground. The former prince of Xavier’s stares down at the only piece of evidence to confirm that the girl he was once in love with even lived her at all. Julian clutches a pink sock in his hand and smirks at how idiotic he must look if anyone else could see him now. He’s crying over a sock, crying over a damn sock like it’s the end of the world. He clutches the piece of clothing as if it’s the most valuable prize in the world because he will be damned if he lets this thing that reminds him of her slip through his fingertips like everything else in his life has lately.
His mind is a mess of jumbled images that he doesn’t even know what to do with. Julian can’t figure out if he should shove them into the recesses of his mind and forget about them like Sofia apparently did with this pink piece of cotton in his hand or take out those terribly beautiful memories and frame them so that he’ll be able to keep them forever. The abruptness of the ended relationship has still left him to raw to fully understand what he should be doing in a situation like this. He decides maybe this is one more reason why Miss Frost chose Nori to be team leader instead of him. If he can’t understand what the right call is to make in this situation then how can he know what to do when lives are at stake? Julian knows that it’s a lie, knows the real and only reason why Miss Frost decided to spite him by giving to his rival the prize that should’ve rightfully been his. He’s only trying to rationalize things now, trying to figure out how in the span of one day his life has gone from blissfully perfect to absolutely empty. It’s as if he blinked and missed some sort of key moment that he should’ve been a part of but somehow failed to do so. He thought he had a good grip on it all because Julian Keller is at heart a control freak who needs to feel like he’s on top of everything. The next thing Julian knows, the love of his life is gone and he knows the bitter truth that she’s never coming back.
“Stupid sock,” mutters Julian as he looks at the item in his hands, flexing his fingers because he now realizes that he’s been gripping the thing so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. It’s a small insignificant thing really but now it’s all he has left of the girl that he had unknowingly given his heart to. His best friend is gone, his status is gone, and his girlfriend is gone. Little by little, everything he’s ever cared about has slipped through his fingers and Julian feels like a man drowning in a sea of agony with nothing to cling to that will give him a break from treading water. He grips the sock tighter, trying to forcibly stop the tears from coming. He can do anything. Why can’t he bring back the girl he loves? Why can’t he bring back his best friend? He is king here. Why can’t the harsh reality that now surrounds him conform to his wishes? Why didn’t she even stop to say goodbye before leaving? She could at least have given him his heart back but instead Sofia Mantega unknowingly left with it.
“They want us out there,” whispers a voice. Julian turns and looks at his teammate as Mercury stands in the doorway. He blinks hard once, twice, three times for good measure. He may not be leader of this team but he knows that most of them look to him when things get really tough. He has to put on his brave face. He has to look like he’s still in control even when everything is spinning so horribly out of control.
“You look nice,” says Julian absently as he stares at Cessily, trying in a desperate attempt to make small talk while he composes himself before the candle-lighting ceremony.
“Thanks,” replies Cessily with an equally vacant tone in her voice as she gives him a quizzical look, “What’s that?” Julian looks down at where her gaze is focused on the sock in his hand. Again, he notices that he’s been squeezing it so hard his fingers ache. He can’t let it go because if he lets it go then he will have to fully admit how incredibly and royally beyond his control this whole situation is. If he lets go of the one thing he still possesses that belongs to Sofia then he will have let her go completely and he knows in his heart he won’t be able to do that for a very long time.
“A sock,” replies Julian, “Sofia left it here.” Cessily catches the pain in his eyes the way sisters notice these things in their older brothers. They are family by choice even though their options were very slim, even non-existent to a certain extent. Cessily doesn’t mind that because in all honesty she’s never been too comfortable with being an only child and even if she wasn’t she’d never be comfortable with any brothers or sisters that weren’t the teammates she has now.
“Oh,” says Cessily and then the awkward silence resumes as Julian stares at Cessily, looking at her but not seeing her because he’s now lost in his thoughts of Sofia and the fallout from her departure. Cessily doesn’t say anything. She just closes the gap between her and her brother and hugs him, clutching at him tightly and fiercely because she knows what it’s like to have someone slip through your fingers.
“I would’ve at least said goodbye,” whispers Cessily as Julian hugs her back just as tightly.
“I know,” says Julian, “I know.” They stay there for a few moments, both of them silently grieving not only for the friend they both lost but for the people they loved that left them so abruptly without even so much as a goodbye.
“We should go,” says Cessily finally as she tries to release herself from Julian’s grasp. Julian reflexively fights to hold on to this one thing he has left in this world.
“I think I want to keep it,” says Julian as he looks at his hand.
“I think that’s a good idea,” agrees Cessily with a small smile as Julian sticks the sock in the pocket of his jacket. Again, she moves to leave but he hangs on, unwilling to let her go just yet and admit that another thing he cares for has slipped through his fingers.
“I won’t leave,” assures Julian as his fingers entwine with hers and he squeezes her hand.
“I won’t either,” assures Cessily as they walk together out of the room, their hands clasped with one another’s because both of them are so unwilling to let go of things just yet.
