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[personal profile] thelostmaximoff
This is Noey's Christmas present. I tried to do the username linking earlier and I screwed it up because I don't know how to do it to just Dreamwidth. So yeah, here it is anyway.

Title: Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground
Fandom: Young Avengers
Rating: T
Genre: Angst
Pairings: Kate Bishop
Warnings: Deals with rape
Summary: Kate has always dealt in realities, even the painful ones.

Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground

She stares at the bottle of pills on her nightstand, rolling over in bed to face it. It makes her remember what happened and she shudders at the mere thought of it. She can still remember images, sounds, smells. They haunt her when she dreams and when she's awake.

Kate Bishop has barely left her room since the attack. She hasn't told anyone what happened and she's too terrified to even think of doing it. Her father noticed things though, which Kate thinks is weird because they don't get along. That's why he made her go to a therapist but she hasn't told the therapist what happened either. The only thing the therapist could do was prescribe some anti-anxiety medication, the pills that Kate currently stares at. Kate knows she can't keep this inside forever though.

She stares at the pills and wonders how you can bottle happiness, how you can fit a mood into a pill. She wonders if the man who attacked her was on something. Maybe he should've been and then it wouldn't have happened. Kate doesn't enjoy dealing in possibilities. She prefers the sureness of certainties and realities. Sometimes things become too real though. The ground was cold that day. The leaves were brilliant shades of orange and red. They crunched under his feet. He had gloves on and it made his touch feel warm. Now she just feels cold all the time. This is her reality now, that she was raped. It's still to real for her to deal with.

Kate feels so exposed now. It's why she hasn't come out of her room. If she tries to go on with her life, everyone will see. Everyone will know. They'll have to know because surely they will see it. It will be written on her face or she will give it away with her body language or something. She may as well write "rape victim" on her forehead because she feels like somehow it's already there. She took a really long shower when she got home that day. She just felt so dirty and filthy that she sat in that shower for what felt like forever, the hot water blasting her and trying to scour away what had happened.

Life goes on. Kate's heard that phrase and never thought about what it really means. Life just goes on. It just keeps moving on and on. It won't for her though. Life stopped moving for her on that day in the park. Maybe if she didn't take after her mother so much, Kate wouldn't be in this mess. Maybe if she just stopped caring then things could go back to normal. Maybe she should just be like her father but no she has to always try, always care, always help.

"Life goes on," she mumbles to herself as she finally gets out of bed.

Kate takes the bottle of pills into her bathroom and pours them into the toilet, flushing it without hesitation. Pills won't make her better. She knows that. It's the reality she deals with but for the first time since she was attacked, Kate thinks about the possibilities. Life will go on not just for her but for others as well and it will go on without such incidents as the one she suffered through.

She curls herself up back in bed with her laptop and begins looking through the internet for what she needs. Christmas is coming up and she still hasn't made her list yet, something she intends to do now. There are two things at the top of her list this year, the pair of them going hand in hand. Her top items this year are a punching bag and kickboxing lessons. Life will go on. She will learn how to sleep without nightmares. She will learn not to expose herself. Without even realizing it, Kate Bishop has already given herself the best Christmas present she could need. She's given herself the strength to keep getting out of bed every day.
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