Fic Time

Nov. 17th, 2012 11:41 am
thelostmaximoff: (Default)
[personal profile] thelostmaximoff
This is random but I felt like writing this.

Title: Molding
Fandom: X-Men (comics)
Rating: K+
Genre: Angst
Pairings: Cessily Kincaid (Mercury)
Warnings: None
Summary: Even after all this time, Cessily is still struggling with being everything everyone wants her to be.



Molding

She doesn't sleep very much. Like many other things, this used to unnerve Cessily Kincaid when her mutation first manifested. Her body is so radically different now that she doesn't need food or sleep or much of anything. She tries to be human though. She takes showers to clean her nonexistent skin. She eats to satisfy the psychological need for food rather than a biological one. She sleeps to rest her mind, not her body. Having lived with her mutation for years, one would think that Cessily would have grown accustomed to her new lot in life. Having a body so very malleable like hers would make her ideal at adjusting to whatever life throws at her. It's a nice theory but it's never really suited her. Despite how abnormal her life is, Cessily still tries to pour herself into that old and outdated mold.

There are still things that Cessily needs. She needs her friends, she needs support, she needs to be treated like a human being instead of a blob of liquid mercury. People say that you can't know how much you needed something until you stop getting it. When Cessily's powers manifested, she stopped getting that unconditional love from her parents that she had been getting her entire life. Acceptance was like a drug and she found herself suffering the pain of withdrawal symptoms. Love was something she so desperately needed that she would latch herself to anyone that would show her even the tiniest amount. She would mold herself into whatever they wanted her to be in order to get that love and acceptance that she craved. With her new body, it was so easy to be whatever anybody wanted.

Since she doesn't sleep a lot, Cessily has plenty of time to think. The thing she thinks about the most is Kevin Ford, the boy she was seemingly destined to be with yet the one that she could never have. She thinks about how the last words he ever spoke to her before his death were: "You're pathetic". She forgets all the compliments she received from him back when they were friends. She forgets all the nice things the others have said and continue to say about her. Her mind twists those compliments into lies, ones that were said by people who only paint themselves as her friends. Just like her, they have molded themselves into something that they aren't. Maybe just like her, they too have forgotten who and what they really are. She doesn't believe them when they say nice things about her. She pretends she does but deep down she really doesn't. At least Kevin was honest with her. At least he told her the truth or maybe it was just the truth she wanted to hear. Cessily can never be sure so she tries not to think about it.

She's been trying to be so many different things over the course of her young life. First, she was the all-American girl, the cheerleader, the popular one. Her mutation broke that mold and she couldn't conform herself to that image anymore. So she became the freak, the mistake, the unloved one. It was a stereotype she was determined to play because it was the one that was attractive to Kevin and she needed him so badly. It was why she fought for him after he ran away, why she constantly hounded Emma Frost about trying to find him. She couldn't conform to that image either though. When Kevin spoke those final words to her, he forever shattered that idea that they would ever be together. Sometimes, Cessily thinks she can rebuild that mold and then squeeze herself into it. If she can just try harder then she can be everything he loved. He didn't love her though. He should have, she thinks, but he didn't.

Cessily Kincaid doesn't know what standard to conform to now. She doesn't know what image to uphold or what stereotype she's trying to play. She's tried being everything she knows how to be and yet nothing has ever garnered anything close to what she wanted in the first place. Maybe love is just something she hasn't completely let go of like sleeping or eating. Maybe it's nothing but a part of an outdated standard that she's desperately still trying to live by. Can people really love if they don't have a heart? If they can't then should she even still try to do so? Cessily Kincaid ponders all these things on the quiet nights she spends in her room while the rest of her classmates and teachers slumber away. She still can't get Kevin Ford's last words to her out of her head. She's pathetic and she knows it's because even after all this time she still wants to be whatever it is that will bring him back and make him love her.
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